>Rocketsaurous
If you haven’t already noticed one of my strong beliefs is that in fact there is no hope for humanity. So what the hell do we do about it then? Well if by chance one day we invent the technology out of our ass that allows for sustained long distance space travel and we actually find another decent planet to rape, we’ll need a plan. I feel a really great place (and you should to because I’m right) to start is with an awesome list of all the commendable human creations along with credible members of the human race that will be given preference to precious space on the good rocket. Notice I said good rocket which indeed will be given a appropriate name when it comes time for the listings, as will the bad rocket which will of course be built because we humans love balance *cough* and one is never enough (true). At this stage in the piece both lists will be divided into five categories and all submitted material will be considered for addition to either list. Now let us begin.
Additions for consideration can be emailed to awesomedinosaur@westnet.com.au
Please include the phrase “list additions” in the subject heading and place them under there corresponding category in a list like format similar to mine.
(It’ll save me work and increase the chances of list submission)
Cargo designated for storage on Mighty Rocket of Eternal Vengeance and Power to Awesome Plant of Infinite!
1. Items/Things – The internet, deodorant, water, TV, telephones, wood, time, light, cars, dogs, mag wheels, fire, clothes, computers, books, food, shoes, metal, cd's, dvd's, electricity, plastic, motorbikes, chocolate, watches, videogames, plants, carpet, cardboard, gravity, stereos, caffeine, toilets, bikes, pens, Musical Instruments, Doors, Gyms, Sports, Board games, Newspapers, Fridges, Pool, Cards, Washing Machines, Springs, Hand Tools, Swimming Pools, Useful Kitchen Appliances, Video Game consoles, Courage, Freedom, Dignity, Respect, Class, Dinosaur Fossils, Chicken, Education
2. Movies – Terminator 1-2-3, Kill Bill 1-2, Lord of the Rings, Lion King, Matrix, Apocalypse Now, Conan the barbarian, Godfather 1-2, Star Wars, Gladiator, Master and Commander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Scarface, Saving Private Ryan, Apollo 13, Greece, Schilder's List, Memento, Toy Story 1-2, Aladdin (Cartoon), Alien 1-2-3, Ghostbusters 1-2, Diehard, The Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, Fight Club, Bladerunner, Braveheart, The Sixth Sense, This is Spinal Tap, Predator, Bond Movies, Under Siege, Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc, Indiana Jones Movies, Jurassic Park, Robocop 1-2,
3. TV Shows – The Simpsons, Futurama, The Sopranos, Transformers, Law and Order – all of them, Stargate, South Park, Original Sliders, Scooby Doo, Flintstones, Walker : Texas Ranger, Family Guy, King of the Hill, Seinfeld, Discovery Channel, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Angry Beavers, Ren and Stimpy, Bevis and Butthead, 24, CSI, WWE, Full Frontal, Sesame Street, Thomas the Tank Engine, Dragon Ball Z, Just Shoot Me, Becker, NYPD Blue, Rugrats, Discoveries Tech Tuesday and Crime Wednesday,
4. Music – Outkast, Michael Jackson, Offspring, Bee Gees, Bonethugs, Linkin Park, Billy Joel, 50 cent,
5. People – Myself, Mum, Friends, Quentin Tarintino, Peter Jackson, Outkast, Michael Moore, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steven Spielberg, Most of the actors/artists/producers/creators/directors in the corresponding good Movies, TV shows and music groups, Johnny Depp, Russell Crowe, Matt Groening, Robin Williams, Billy Connolly, Jerry Seinfeld, Eric Banner, James Cameron, Clint Eastwood, Anyone who saved someone's live by putting their own at risk, John Travolta, Billy Crystal, Sean Connery, Tom Hanks, Awesome Game developers, Good authors, Useful Surgeons, Bill Gates, Jackie Chan, Uma Thurman, Dave Chappelle, Andre 3000, Harrison Ford, George Lucus, James Gandolfini, David Chase, Samuel L. Jackson, David Letterman, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Kelsey Grammer, Sigourney Weaver, Liam Neeson, Jude Law, Ewan McGregor, Tim Allen, Al Pacino, Robert Di Nero, Marlon Brando, Richard Gere, Dick Wolf
Crap to fill space on leaky fuel rocket with no brakes pointed in the direction of the sun.
1. People – Almost every world leader, Aston Kutcher, Really old people, idiots and dickheads who'll end up working for the people they picked on or die through ignorance, every pussy who let somebody die when they had the chance to save them, Adam Sandler, J-low, Crappy game developers, Writers for women's magazines, Rosie Odonnell, Ricki Lake, Oprah, Creators/Directors/Participants/Fans of Big Brother and the majority of the crap called reality TV it has spawned
2. Music – Enya, Bjork, Spice Girls, Crappy boy bands, Nsync, Cher,
3. TV Shows – Big Brother and the majority of the crap called reality TV it has spawned, Home and Away, Neighbours, Any stupid academic kids show, The entire lifestyle channel, Anything with the Olsen Twins, Bold and the Beautiful, Friends, Queer Eye for pussifying the guy, Home Shopping Network, Oprah, Play School, Mornings With Kerri-Anne, Ricki Lake,
4. Movies – Darkness Falls, Anything with Hulk Hogan, Sleepless in Seattle, Happy Gillmore, Speed 2, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie, Spice World, Grease 2, On Deadly Ground, Robocop 3,
5. Items/Things – Bad smells, Cancer, Disease, Back Problems, Religion, weapons not belonging to me, Pollution, Cigarettes, Drugs, Women's Magazines, flies, Government, Fear, Hate,