In the Beginning
Monkey leaned forwards on his cloud, peering downwards to see if he could sight Tripitaka and the other two. He had the peach in his left hand, but was still wondering why the Buddha had instructed Tripitaka to tell him to get it from the Courts of Heaven. Surely if the Buddha desired a peach it would be there beside him as soon as he formulated the desire? But no - Monkey had to fetch it - always Monkey. And there had already been quite enough trouble over those peaches. Oh well.
At this point, Monkey - who had not been looking where he was going, came into violent collision with a blue box. This had rather unfortunate consequences. Inside the Tardis, things started to go even more wrong than they usually did and the temporal circuitry produced a vortex in space and time with most surprising results. Both Monkey and the Tardis were flung through the vortex coming into violent contact with Deep Space Vehicle 2 which was proceeding peacefully(?) about its own affairs. Monkey, who had already banged his nose rather painfully on the Tardis, completely lost his temper as his elbow come into harsh contact with the metal side of DSV2. He vented his temper by kicking the ship but found that this only hurt him more and had no effect on the space vessel. Pulling his magic staff from its hiding place, he twirled it round, watching its rapid increase in size with satisfaction, and then he ducked instinctively as a much smaller ship (which any SW fan would have recognised as the Millennium Falcon) whistled past missing a collision with both of them by a hairsbreadth. Monkey blinked and looked around in astonishment to see where it had appeared from. There was nothing in that direction but the blue box with which he had first collided, but as he gazed another ship materialised around the blue box, an enormous ship the size of a small moon.
DSV2, evidently feeling threatened by this sudden manifestation, started firing; the Death Star fired back. Some of DSV2's plasma bolts hit the Death Star but some went wide to the intense irritation of the Commander of a Vogon Construction Fleet which had just appeared behind the Death Star. Now the devices with which a Vogon Construction Fleet is equipped are not technically weapons, but demolition beams which can turn a planet into dust in a few minutes are not to be despised as a means of warfare when necessity arises, and the Vogons are not the most pacifist types in the universe. They attacked DSV2 and the Death Star impartially. Both retaliated and a fleet of flying saucers manned by Daleks which had also been sucked into the vortex joined in happily. Daleks are always happy to deal out death and destruction to all and sundry.
Aboard the Millennium Falcon Luke Skywalker yelled at Han Solo. "I don't know what's happening but let's get the hell out of here, fast!"
Han shook his head, nevertheless taking the Falcon slightly to one side of the battle zone. "We'll stick around, son, you never know what pickings there might be after a fight like this."
A slightly dazed Monkey also decided that where he was was not a good place to be. He used his stick to pry open a hatch and crawled inside DSV2.
Dr Who, inside the Tardis, was working frantically to get things back to normal, but due to an unfortunate miscalculation he fed more power into the vortex. This sucked in a squadron of Wilma Deering's Starfighters, Buck Rogers, and a Draconian fleet, who had been enjoying a private battle of their own, also the USS Enterprise and three Klingon K't'inga class heavy cruisers who had been engaged in peacetime manoeuvres around a neutral world in the buffer zone between their respective spheres of influence. The Klingon Commander, finding himself suddenly translated into the middle of a battle, no doubt justifiably put this down to some devilish stratagem of Captain Kirk and opened fire on the Enterprise.
Kirk demanded of Spock, "What the hell is going on?" and without waiting for an answer fired back. Princess Ardala, aboard one of the Draconian ships, screamed at Kane to get her out of the danger zone immediately. Buck Rogers joined joyfully in the fight. Wilma Deering rolled her eyes heavenwards and yelled at him over the intercom not to endanger his ship. Dr Who worked frantically. Han Solo sat back and watched the show with enjoyment. The Death Star was boarded by Daleks. The Vogon Commander decided to end this nonsense, activated his public address system and started to recite his poetry. This had no effect on the Daleks, but Darth Vader's asthma grew suddenly worse, Ardala informed Kane she was going to have him executed as soon as he got her out of the battle zone, Spock started to lecture Kirk on the aesthetics of Vogon poetry, Kirk started to strangle Spock, Dr Who redoubled his efforts and various ships who were all trying to flee became involved in the traffic jam to end all traffic jams.
As for Monkey and the crew of DSV2, they abandoned ship and left her drifting, a latter day Marie Celeste. Vogon poetry is not something that can be endured by any rational being, and the crew having been run by computers for so long were rational beyond the norm for humanity.
Seeing Monkey fleeing on his cloud, Chewie jabbered something at Solo.
"Don't be silly, Chewie. It couldn't be your long lost son. I'm not going after him."
Chewie began to get annoyed. Wookiees when annoyed have a habit of pulling people's arms off. Han Solo decided he'd better follow Monkey. DSV2 drifted to one side of the battle. The transport London came along.
A few days later peace had been restored to the universe. The Doctor had rectified the temporal fields aboard the Tardis and everyone was back in their own universe. Monkey was telling his story to Tripitaka and the other two.
"Where is the peach?" asked Tripitaka.
Monkey clapped a hand to his head.
"I left it behind," he groaned. "Don't tell me that I have to go back and fetch it."
Tripitaka smiled gently. "No, it was no doubt meant that you should leave it. The peach will reach its rightful destination."
Exploring DSV2, now renamed Liberator, Vila sat down to enjoy the peach he had found. He loved fresh fruit, and after all, he reflected, he was the one who had found it, so no doubt it was meant for him.