Strange to Relate- Or Relatively Speaking
- with help from Eileen, Leia, Lynne, Lyn, Narrelle, Tricia and Debbie,
plus any of the rest of Lynne's Lunatics,
whose names I may have overlooked -
"I don't like this, Blake," Jenna exclaimed. "That SOS is probably a trap, and even if it's not, getting so near a black hole is dangerous." "I know, but we can't just ignore it. It could be years before another ship comes this way."
"As it happens, we're getting another ship on the screen now. What do you want me to do?""Get behind that small moon and keep it between us and the approaching ship. What's her speed?"
Jenna's fingers played over the computer console. "Standard by twelve," she reported. Blake looked startled.
"But the Liberator was the only ship that ever reached that speed and reports that she was destroyed were pretty definite."
"Don't you remember? We heard rumours that Avon had managed to equip some old hulk with new engines, developed by Dr Plaxton. This could be that one. They called her Scorpio, I think."
* * * * * * *
Aboard Scorpio, Vila was grumbling as usual. "I don't see why Avon is so interested in this distress call, even if Orac does say it is being sent out by Travis. Why not just leave him there to rot?"
"Because, " Avon said evenly, turning a cold eye on Vila, "I would like a lot more information about that so-called alien invasion."
"Such as?" asked Tarrant.
"How Travis got in touch with the aliens in the first place. Why they needed him, if they had already infiltrated Star One. And if they ever were from another galaxy at all."
"I regret having to interrupt, Master, but there is a ship approaching on an intercepting orbit. It looks like a Federation pursuit ship."
Avon turned and pushed home Orac's key. "Orac, give Slave an orbit where we will be unobserved by the approaching pursuit ship."
The small moon being the only practical hiding place, Scorpio and Blake's ship Nova were soon nearly nose to tail.
Blake grinned as he activated the viewscreen. "Hullo, Avon. Nice of you to drop in. I see you're still willing to follow me."
Avon's face on the screen did not look overjoyed at the reunion. "Still rushing to the rescue without stopping to think? I thought you might have learned by now, it simply doesn't pay. I'm surprised you're still alive."
"I think it might pay, this time. After all, you don't usually get involved unless there's something of value in it, and the Federation pursuit ship isn't likely to be intent on rescuing stranded tourists."
Avon shrugged. "Perhaps not. I have my own ideas on who is on board. What are your plans?"
"Wait until the ship has landed, then teleport down."
"Teleport?" demanded Avon, astonishment and a hint of anger in his voice.
"I got the details of Liberator's teleport system from Orac long ago, and managed to built one after I got hold of some aquitar. I am an engineer, you know."
"Very well, you go down. We'll stand by just in case you happen to run into something you can't handle."
"If you're referring to Servalan and the probability that she's aboard that pursuit ship that's just landed, I, unlike you, have no desire to handle the lady. I'd just like to find out what she's up to."
Blake cut the screen and turned to smile at Jenna. "Same old Avon. Would you like to bet on how long it will be before he follows me down?"
"Five minutes?" hazarded Jenna.
"Seems about right. Activate the con screen and ask for Avon in seven minutes. If he's not available, come down yourself, leaving the Nova on automatic...."
* * * * * * *
On board the Scorpio, Avon turned to Soolin. "Get kitted up, we're going down."
"I thought you told Blake you'd stay here," protested Vila.
"And why Soolin?" demanded Tarrant, who had heard the reference to Servalan and had certain memories of that lady in a more forthcoming mood than usual.
"Because she's less impetuous than you two," to Dayna and Tarrant, "And less likely to run away than you, " to Vila.
Vila shrugged. Dayna and Tarrant exchanged glance, and Avon and Soolin prepared to teleport.
In the meantime, Blake, having teleported down, found himself in a jumble of rocks beside a small lake. "Down and safe," he reported to Jenna.
"Keep in touch, and be careful. The signal emanates from a point about four hundred metres to the east of you." (Jenna had followed the usual tradition of putting him down some distance from the desired target.)
Blake made his way in that direction, scouting the surrounding terrain carefully. The planet seemed desolate, spindly vegetation clinging to crannies in the boulders, and what seemed to be the remains of several wrecked spaceships scattered about. It was from one of these that the distress call was emanating. The ship had come to rest with its nose buried in the cliff, but the stern seemed relatively undamaged. Flattening himself to one side of the closed hatch, Blake tapped gently on it with the handle of his stun gun. After a few moments that hatch slid open but no one emerged. Gun at the ready, Blake risked a quick glance of the interior and found himself confronting Travis, gun hand pointing straight at him.
The two surveyed each other for a moment then Blake's ready grin flashed across his face.
"It would appear to be stalemate," he observed, "but if you want to be rescued, there's no sense shooting me. My new teleport bracelet is keyed only to me, so unless I choose to rescue you, you'll stay here."
"The choice is not entirely yours, Blake. I believe I have some say in the matter. Don't you agree?"
Blake and Travis turned, startled, to see Servalan smiling blandly at them, a gun in her hand.
Travis raised an eyebrow. (He may have raised both, but only one was visible).
"Supreme Commander," he greeted her, "or should it be 'Madam President'?"
"'Commissioner Sleer' was her latest title, I believe," said Avon's voice from behind her. "Do you all mind moving along a little; this hatchway is becoming a trifle congested." As his auditors obediently moved inside the ship, he observed to Blake, "I told you it was probably a trap."
"So you did, but I was sure you would come to my rescue if it was, and it seems my faith was justified. It's quite like old times."
"How very touching," said a soft voice from behind Avon. It came from a man dressed in black, with a patch over one eye. As their startled glances swept from him to Travis and back again, Travis smiled agreeably. "Allow me to introduce my brother, Greif. We are not identical twins, but once a man has a patch over one eye, people seldom look beyond it, so if you will kindly hand over your teleport bracelet...."
"I see no reason why he should," remarked Soolin as she prodded the barrel of her gun into Greif's back. "Just move over beside your brother, please. We don't want any accidents."
"No, we don't," agreed Jenna from behind her. "Perhaps it would be better if you holstered your weapon and moved over there too."
"It's all right, Jenna," cut in Avon. "She's one of my crew."
"And you think that's a good reason why I should trust her?" demanded Jenna. "I've been hearing a few stories about your crew, Avon. People who come into contact with them don't seem to live very long."
"Very true," observed Tarrant's voice as he and Dayna entered, stun guns in hand. "I don't know who you are, but I suggest you put that gun away."
As Jenna hesitated, he pushed her forward somewhat roughly, and Blake moved forward in protest. Tarrant's finger instinctively tightened on the trigger and Blake fell, his head coming into rather violent contact with the deck as he did so.
Jenna started forward with an exclamation of concern, and Tarrant and Dayna promptly covered both of them with their guns. It was unfortunate from their point of view, that their attention was concentrated in front of them so that the large man who had entered behind them had no trouble at all in banging their heads hard together. They fell to the floor, seeing a myriad of stars before their dazed eyes, and a small man who had come in with the giant quickly removed their weapons.
"Gan!" said Avon, for once startled out of his usual composure. "But I thought you were dead. In fact, I know you are dead."
"No, he's not," said Vila in cheerful contradiction. "He's not dead at all," he added, determined to make the most of this opportunity. It wasn't often he managed to contradict Avon successfully. Avon ignored him and demanded of Gan, "How was it you didn't die in the roof fall?"
"I was paralysed," Gan explained, "but Travis had me put under the best medical care available and I recovered. He'd planned to use me as a hostage against Blake, but by the time I was well, Travis had been put on trial, and been forced to escape from Earth. He kidnapped me from the medical centre later on and left me here while he was looking for Docholli. He planned to use me if Blake found Docholli before he did, but as it happened Travis managed to get to Star One first."
"Where I killed him," Avon pointed out.
Travis laughed. "You killed a clone," he said contemptuously. "You didn't think you'd get me that easily, did you?"
"I don't believe you. How could you get hold of a clone? All the clone masters were killed, and the only surviving Aurons are far beyond your reach."
Travis smiled in amusement. "Oh, not all of them," he said. But as it happens I needed neither clone masters nor Aurons. I found a machine on one of the crashed ships around here. It seems to have come from a much older civilisation and their technology must have been fantastic because, even after a millennia, I didn't have much trouble getting it back into working order."
"I wonder what its owners were like?" Vila was interested.
"I only know what the operating instructions show creatures like mice," responded Travis.
They were all too interested in what was going on to notice an earth shuddering jar some distance away as Nova was drawn out of its orbit and crashed to earth.
Avon was silent, his hooded eyes angry. He wasn't enjoying all this contradiction. Somehow, things always seemed to go like this when Blake was around.
At this point Blake moaned and opened his eyes, gazing up at Jenna's face.
"Annje!" he said painfully. "Have they gone?"
"Roj! You've got your memory back," exclaimed Jenna, kissing him in delight.
"Got my memory back?" demanded Blake, wrinkling his nose in puzzlement, before kissing her again.
Jenna nodded. "You remember I'm your wife? Do you also remember our adventure with the Liberator?"
A strange mixture of emotions chased themselves across Blake's face. "Yes, I remember now," he said. "To think we were together all that time and I never remembered we were married."
At this point, two other women entered the hold.
"Roj!" exclaimed Inga, throwing herself impetuously into his arms.
"Roj! You've got your memory back at last!" cried Cally in delight, also rushing up to embrace him.
At the sight of Jenna's stormy face Travis began to laugh.
"Don't worry, Jenna," he said, "All can be explained. After all, Inga is Blake's cousin so it's only natural she should be pleased to see him again. You needn't worry about it being more than cousinly affection. She's married to me now. I took a fancy to her when we first met, and after Star One I returned to Exbar and persuaded her to become my wife."
"And what about Cally?" asked Jenna. "She's not his cousin."
"And anyway, she's dead," Vila pointed out. "At least, she was," he amended, eyeing her by no means moribund form.
"Another of your miraculous resuscitations, I presume?" Avon said to Travis. "That's right. We live in an age of miracles."
"She's my half-sister," Blake explained. "My father visited Auron some years before he met my mother."
"I thought you Aurons were all cloned?" Jenna said to Cally.
"Not all of us. It is considered desirable to introduce new gene combinations from time to time. Zelda and I were twins. My father was mixed up in a conspiracy against the Federation and was not able to stay on Auron. He thought it best to leave us with our mother. It probably explained why I felt compelled to join the rebels on Saurian Major. I recognised Roj soon after we met, when I first made telepathic contact with him. But his memory had been so messed about that I thought it better not to try to remind him."
Just then two children rushed in from the open hatchway and flung themselves on Blake. "Daddy! Daddy!" they cried.
Blake glanced from the fair-haired little girl to the dark-headed boy. There was no denying his resemblance to the latter and he looked up to meet Jenna's accusing gaze with consternation.
"Jenna, I can't explain it. I know he looks lie me, but truly they're not mine. I swear it."
"Oh yes they are," said Travis with a mocking smile.
Jenna's icy glare pierced Blake through and Travis began to laugh helplessly as he pressed a button on the wall beside him. A door slid open and after a moment Blake 2 stepped hesitantly out of the cabin so revealed, Rashel just behind him. The little girl ran to her, crying, "Mummy!" but the boy hesitated, glancing from Blake to Blake in perplexity.
"It's all right," said Travis with another grin at Jenna. "I collected Rashel and Blake's clone from that deserted planet some time ago."
"But how could they have two children as old as that?" demanded Jenna, still suspicious.
"Oh, time is relative, you know. It's all this travelling around at time distort speeds. Time does get distorted. You never know when you are. Have a drink, you look as if you need one."
"Come here, Percy," said Blake 2, with a smile. He walked over and took the boy's hand, then clapped Blake on the shoulder. "It's good to see you again. Since we are clones, Marguerite and Percy are your children in a way, but there is no need for your wife to be jealous."
Jenna sighed with relief. "I'm sorry I doubted you, Roj, but Percy is so like Del at the same age so I knew he had to be your son. I'd forgotten about your clone." "Del?" said Blake. "Jenna, where is Del?"
"I left him with my sister, Acia Tarrant, when you lost your memory. Her eldest boy Dev had just quarrelled with his family and left them. She was glad to have Del as company for her younger son Deeta."
An exclamation from Tarrant, who had by that time recovered, interrupted, "I'm Del Tarrant. Do you mean to say that you're my mother?"
Jenna moved towards him, taking his face between her hands. "Yes," she said softly, looking into his eyes. "You are my son Del."
"Mother!" exclaimed Tarrant happily. "Father!" he added, turning to Blake.
"How on earth could Blake and Jenna have a son as old as Tarrant?" demanded Vila.
"On earth they couldn't, but they've both been doing a lot of travelling at time distort speeds; it's all a matter of relativity."
"I should have known," Avon said sourly. "He's just as bad as Blake. Like father, like son. Just my luck to pick him up as soon as I'd got rid of his father."
"So I'm really Del Blake, not Del Tarrant?"
"Del Blakeney, actually. Roj dropped the last part of his name when he got mixed up with the rebels. Both his half-brothers were in the Space Corps and Roj didn't want to cause them any embarrassment."
"Roj Blakeney?" demanded the Travis brothers, starting forward. "Why, we're his half brothers. We were so young when he left home that we never recognised him. We changed our names too, later on." They each grabbed one of Blake's hands and shook it vigorously.
"Hey, that's terrific, isn't it, Gan?" demanded Vila, beaming happily.
Gan nodded but his face looked sombre.
"What's wrong?" asked Blake in concern.
"It's only that it brings back so many memories of my own family. If I could only be reunited with my loved ones as you have been with yours. When my wife was killed I managed to get one of my daughters away to relations on another planet, but the Federation took the other one from me. I do wish I could find them again."
"Would you know them now, even if you found them?" asked Travis.
"Oh yes, each had a heart-shaped birthmark on her left thigh," replied Gan.
"Servalan has a heart-shaped birthmark there," exclaimed Avon unguardedly.
"So have I," said Rashell.
"And so has Soolin," said Vila. "I wonder which of them...." His voice trailed off into silence at the look he received from Servalan.
"Soolin would seem to be my daughter," she observed. "I left her with foster parents on Gauda Prime shortly after she was born. But what I want to know....?" And her glance transfixed Vila.
She was interrupted by Avon. "Your daughter," he said, "and mine?"
Servalan looked at him mockingly. "And yours," she drawled. "I suppose we now watch a touching scene of fatherly devotion."
Avon's lips twitched in spite of himself. "Oddly enough, I do find myself pleased to have a daughter and ..." he concluded with a smiling glance towards her, "proud that that daughter is Soolin.
A very similar smile quirked Soolin's lips. "Will you be equally pleased to welcome Vila as a son-in-law?" she asked with some amusement.
Vila protested hastily, "Oh, come on, Soolin. I know I said I'd marry you....but Avon as a father-in-law....it's a bit much."
"And Servalan for a mother-in-law," put in Blake, unable to hide his mirth at the sight of Vila's thunderstruck face.
"Since it seems to be a time of family reunions," Jenna said, "I may as well admit that Avon is my brother. We'd always quarrelled a lot and he finally left home saying he never wanted to acknowledge me again, but since he has acquired so many unexpected family ties in the last few minutes..."
She cocked an enquiring eyebrow at Avon, who moved in slowly and kissed her cheek, saying, "Welcome back, dear sister."
"Well, since reunions seem to be in the air," said Travis with a rather malicious smile, "I've got a couple of old friends of Servalan's here. I'm sure she'll be delighted to meet them again." Another door slid open and Jarvik and Carnell emerged. "Jarvik's dead," protested Tarrant.
"Another of my clones," explained Travis. "Servalan seemed rather fond of him at one stage so I thought he might come in useful against her. And anyway, using that machine tends to become addictive. Carnell fell into my hands a few months ago when his ship crashed here."
No one noticed a dull 'crump' as Servalan's ship, whose crew had decided to abandon her, tried to take off and crashed.
Carnell moved towards Servalan. "Beautiful as ever," he said. "Can I persuade you to take up where we left off, when I was unfortunately forced to desert your fascinating company?"
"I think she really prefers me," said Jarvik, grabbing at her in an exuberant embrace.
"I doubt it, " Avon said coldly, pointing a gun at him. "Put her down."
"Jealous?" queried Jarvik with a grin. "Perhaps you'd like to fight for her?"
"No need to fight over the lady," Travis told him. "You're forgetting my cloning machine. I'll make you one each, nothing simpler. How about you?" he asked Tarrant. "I seem to remember her telling me at a somewhat tender moment, that she had fond memories of you in the same...." He broke off at the look he got from Inga, and Tarrant, registering equally cold glances from Avon and Dayna, hastily declined. Vila reached for a drink, with an unhappy moan. Three mothers-in-law and all of them Servalan. It was just too much.
"Or perhaps," Travis remarked to Avon, "you'd prefer this lady?" Another panel slid open and out stepped Anna Grant.
"Anna!" yelled Blake, catching her in his arms. He caught Avon's eye and grinned at him. "Another of my sisters," he explained. "She and Del changed their names to Grant when they joined the rebel movement. We thought it better no one should know they were related to me, but I did name my son after his uncle."
"But Anna was working for the Federation. That's why I killed her," Avon almost wailed.
"I can explain that," Anna said. "I tried to explain before you shot me but you wouldn't listen. I did love you, but I had been infiltrated into the Federation's Central Security at great cost. I couldn't blow my cover when so many lives had been sacrificed to get me to the top. I did make sure you were warned but I couldn't do any more. But somehow Servalan became suspicious of me and forced my resignation. So I had to bide my time and act as if I were nothing more than Chesku's wife. He was too influential for her to get rid of my altogether and I was able to organise an uprising behind her back. That was when you came back to Earth and ruined my plans." "And killed you," Avon pointed out tartly. So many resurrections were somewhat unsettling his tidy mind.
"You left in rather a hurry," Servalan pointed out. "She wasn't quite dead and I wanted information. So, like Gan, she was given the best medical treatment available. Unfortunately she disappeared from our top security prison just before she could be questioned. I thought the rebel forces had rescued her."
Travis shook his head. "No. I did. I didn't know who she was, but she was important to you and I thought she might be useful Well," he added, turning to Avon, "who m do you want - Anna or Servalan?"
Anna smiled at him, her old seductive smile. "You will choose me, won't you, Avon?" she begged. "After all, if I can forgive you for shooting me, surely you can forgive me for choosing the rebel cause over you."
Avon looked over her head at Servalan who smiled at him mockingly. He hesitated, for once lacking his usual decisiveness.
Travis laughed. "Why bother deciding, have both of them."
"I won't share him with her," snapped Anna.
"No need," said Travis. "Stick your hand in there," he added to Avon, nodding to a machine standing nearby.
Avon gave him a suspicious look and remained where he was.
"It won't hurt," Travis said impatiently. "You do it," he added to Servalan.
Casting Avon another mocking glance, she undulated over to the machine and thrust her hand into the aperture Travis indicated. He pressed a button on the machine and a minute later, out stepped a perfect copy of Servalan. Travis pressed the button again and another copy emerge.
The three Servalans smiled at Avon, and after a considering glance between them and Anna, he also presented his arm to the machine and watched as his clone appeared. Vila moaned again and reached for another bottle. What had he done to deserve this fate? Avon as a father-in-law twice over - it was enough to drive a man to drink! "So you're both my sons-in-law?" said Gan, placing an arm across the shoulders of Blake 2 and Avon 2.
"Don't forget us," put in Jarvik and Carnell, each grabbing one of the spare Servalans.
"And I'm going to be your grandson-in-law," said Vila. "I'm too old," he said after a moment, "or do I mean you're too young? Where's Orac? I need help to work this out."
"As you have been told before - time is relative," said Orac prissily. "It is quite possible for Gan to be your grandfather-in-law."
"What other relationships have we got?" asked Vila. "Let's see, Inga is Blake's cousin, Cally is his half-sister, Travis and Greif are his half-brothers, Jenna is his wife and Tarrant is his son. Soolin is Avon's daughter, and Jenna his sister, therefore she is Soolin's aunt. I won't have to call you aunt, will I?" he asked Jenna, who shook her head.
"That Avon's father is.... no, we don't know who Avon's father is...."
"I am Avon's father," announced Orac. There was a stunned silence which was broken by Vila.
"I don't believe it," he said. "Or maybe I do," he added after a thoughtful moment. "I do not mean in a physical sense," Orac informed him impatiently"The brain cells that form the basis of my apperception came from Avon's father."
"I can't see any brain cells inside you," said Vila, peering into Orac's casing.
"Of course not. Only a person of your limited intelligence would think that all the components necessary for a computer of my intelligence could be compassed into so small a casing. Most of my operations circuits occupy Time and Relative Dimensions in Space, and do not appear in this space time continuum at all."
"A-aahh, yes.... I see," said Vila, who didn't.
"All a matter of relativity," explained Cally.
Greif Travis glanced across at Cally, who was looking hesitantly at Gan.
"Since I seem to have forgiven my half-brother for joining the rebel forces, perhaps I should forgive my wife also," he said. "Cally, shall we try again?"
Cally looked doubtfully from him to Gan. "I don't know. You see, I thought you didn't want me any more, and Gan and I were both lonely...."
"It's all right, Cally," said Gan. "I understand. It's only natural you'd prefer to return to your husband. After all, I do have my daughters back now."
"Stop being so noble," said Avon. "We've so many clones around the place already. One more won't matter."
"Hey, wait a minute," interrupted Vila. "Cally can't be married to Greif. She's Blake's half-sister and he's Blake's half-brother, therefore they must be brother and sister, so it's not right for them to be married."
"We're not blood relations at all," Greif explained. "Blake and Cally have the same father, but different mothers, while Blake and I had the same mother, but different fathers."
"Oh, all a matter of relativity," said Vila. He didn't really understand, but had grasped that that useful phrase seemed to cover most things.
"Speaking of relativity, Dayna's going to become one of the family," announced Tarrant, putting his arm around the dark girl standing beside him. We're getting married."
"She's one of the family already," responded Travis. "My older sister married Hal Mellanby, so Dayna is our niece."
"That makes her my cousin," Tarrant commented in surprise.
"Hey, you're marrying your cousin," said Vila. "Perhaps we'd better swap brides. We don't want these family relationships to get too mixed up, do we?" Perhaps there was a chance of getting rid of at least one of his prospective in-laws, he thought hopefully. Catching a glacial look from Soolin, he retracted hastily. "On the other hand, if we all had clones...."
"NO!" said Avon with so much emphasis that Vila decided it hadn't been such a good idea after all.
"Anyway, Dayna is a sort of cousin of mine, too," he pointed out. "Greif and Travis are her uncles and Blake is their half-brother, so he's her half-uncle, and Jenna is his wife, so that makes her Dayna's half-aunt by marriage, and Avon is Jenna's brother so that would make him her half-uncle my marriage once removed, and Soolin is Avon's daughter, and I'm marrying Soolin, so that makes Dayna my cousin in a sort of a way."
Dayna was laughing as she moved forward to hug him.
"Welcome to the family, Vila. It's nice to find I have so many relations. How many does that make?"
"About ten, I think," remarked Blake. "Perhaps Orac can work it out properly for you." "I feel rather left out of it," complained Carnell, coming forward. "Aren't any of you related to me? As a puppeteer, I'd have a lot of scope for manipulation in a family of this complexity."
"Have you any distinguishing marks?"
"No. No birthmarks, no tattoos, nothing."
"I have a tattoo," Jarvik informed them. "A green dragon tattooed on my left arm."
"You're my son," said Cally, rushing forward to embrace him.
"If he's your son, then he's mine too," Greif said, not looking too pleased at the idea.
"Oh no!" said Vila. "That's one I'm not going to believe. He's older than she is."
"It's quite true," Cally told him. "It's all a matter of relativity."
"So that leave me, all on my own," said Carnell, clapping his hand to his breast. "Oh, I forgot," he added. "There is this locket. Anyone recognise the picture?"
"That's my mother," exclaimed Jenna. "You're my brother and Avon's twin. He nearly killed you in a fight over a computer you shared, and you felt home and never came back."
"You're wrong, you know," said Vila. "That's my grandmother. I was only six when I was kidnapped, but I'd know her anywhere. My grandfather refused to pay any ransome for me, said it was against his principles, so the Thieves' Guild had me left on their hands, and had to bring me up."
"Well, you can't blame Orac for not thinking you were worth the money," Tarrant told him.
But Vila ignored him; he had suddenly been hit by an utterly horrifying thought. "You don't mean to say Avon's my father, do you?" he asked Jenna in alarm.
"No, I am," said Carnell. "I left you on my mother's doorstep with a note after my wife divorced me," with a reproachful glance at Rashel.
"I couldn't stand living with a puppeteer," retorted Rashel. "I'm sorry I had to leave you behind, though," she added to Vila, holding out her arms to him.
Vila embraced her and then stood back and scratched his head.
"If you're Gan's daughter and my mother, that makes Gan my grandfather, and the two kids my half-brother and sister, and Servalan my aunt as well as my future mother-in-law, and Soolin and Tarrant are my cousins, and Blake 2 my stepfather and Blake 1 my uncle because Jenna's his wife and she's my aunt and...."
"And we're all one big happy family," smiled Gan.
"Who's happy?" asked Avon, glancing moodily from his clone to the rest of his loving relations. He didn't hear the noise of the distant crash as Scorpio blew itself to pieces on a cliff face as it crash landed.
"It's all a matter of relativity," Vila informed him blandly.