The Truth at Last
After a great deal of extensive, and expensive, research,
I am at last able to reveal what really happened at the end of series two.
It seems that the last two episodes of series two,
and all of series three and four were merely fictional adventures
dreamed up by depraved script writers.
The true story is as follows......
"I know we all need rest and recreation, Cally," Blake said protestingly, "but the zoo?"
"It is the Galactic Zoo," returned Cally firmly. "I know they'll all love it once they get there. All those quaint bug-eyed monsters, and you must admit it's the last place in the universe either Servalan or Travis would think of looking for us." She smiled at him pleadingly.
Blake gave in. "All right, if the rest agree, we'll leave immediately," he said, reflecting privately that he could bank on Avon to squash the whole project. Of course, Avon let him down again.
"It's a wonderful idea," he said enthusiastically. "I'm surprised anyone but me had the brains to think of it."
Vila was astonished. "You want to go to the Zoo?" he said incredulously. "What have they got that's so valuable?"
"The only computerised Sage Hen in existence," replied Avon. "It's a wonderful creature. Can answer any question you care to ask. I've always wanted to meet it."
"Well, that's settled," said Cally happily. "Zen, course for Nova Zoologica. Speed standard by eight."
They arrived two days later and were met by the Director who was rather old and tired looking. He explained that he wished to retire but had been unable to find a replacement with enough ability to take on the job.
"Is it so onerous?" asked Blake.
"Yes, indeed," replied the Director. "For one thing, we're very short of cage space, and then some of the animals are very trying, very trying indeed. Only take the Doorlocker here for instance." He indicated a nearby cage with numerous locks over every opening. "It spends all its time inventing even more ingenious locks, so the keeper can't get in to feed it or to clean the cage. By the time we get one lock undone, we find he's put on two more. We've given up."
A fanatical gleam appeared in Vila's eyes at this information and as the Director led them onwards, he gradually fell back until the rest of the party were out of sight. "Then there's the Sage Hen," the Director continued to the others. "Only one in existence and the ecologists insist we breed from it. They say it's computerised. It should be parthenogenic but the Sage Hen refuses to breed because it is lonely. It says it must have the company of three brains of nearly its own level around it first."
This time it was Avon who dropped back as the rest of the party proceeded on its way. "I'm afraid the baby Ugly Pugglies are dying," went on the Director. "They're so hideous even their own mother can't stand them."
The Ugly Pugglies were indeed hideous beyond description (which saves the writer a lot of effort). Blake and Jenna hurriedly averted their glances, but Cally, with a sob tearing at her throat, hurried towards them.
"You poor little darlings," she choked. "Can't you hear them pleading? You non-telepaths are so deaf."
Blake and Jenna exchanged glances as the Director hurriedly sent a keeper for food, and Cally gathered as many of the Ugly Pugglies as possible into her arms.
"We'll see you later," said Jenna quickly, delighted at the opportunity of having Blake to herself for once. They wandered slowly past the exhibits until Blake's rapt attention was caught by the Loreleis from Sirena. He stood gazing at them in rapt admiration.
"They're so lovely, Jenna," he murmured. "They remind me of my cousin Inga. How I do wish she were here with me."
Jenna cast him a furious glare and stalked off in a high dudgeon, ignoring everything in her path until her rage cooled a little and wild screeches attracted her attention. An extremely large dragon was flapping its wings in violent anger. Jenna surveyed it curiously.
"What's eating you?" she demanded.
"I want to get out, I want to be free!" screamed the dragon.
"Well, you're not caged. What's stopping you?"
"I need a pilot. I don't have much of a brain and I need someone to tell me where to go. I'm the fastest thing in the universe and I can't go anywhere because I'm surrounded by stupid creatures who are terrified of me."
Jenna didn't hesitate. "If that's all that's stopping you," she said briskly as she climbed onto its back, "then let's go."
Blake, still musing beside the Loreleis' pool, looked up in amazement as Jenna and the dragon streaked overhead. "Orac, take me up," he ordered into his teleport bracelet. There was no response. Blake set out at a run for the Ugly Pugglies' cage.
"Cally, is your bracelet operating?" he demanded urgently.
Cally was feeding one of the babies while the others crowded close to her.
"My bracelet," she said vaguely. "I don't know. I don't want to go anywhere. I'm needed here."
Despairingly, Blake headed for the Sage Hen's enclosure. Avon was their computer expert. He'd be able to work something out. He paused as he came to where Vila was busily at work, watched by an interested Doorlocker.
Vila looked up. "We've come to an arrangement," he said. "I spend a day unlocking the cage, and he gets fed and cleaned, then he spends the next day putting more locks on. If I take longer than he does, we swap places." And he went happily back to work. His steps slower now, Blake went on, then stopped in astonishment as he saw Liberator occupying the formerly empty spaces near the Sage Hen's enclosure. Avon was at work dismantling Zen, advised by Orac and the Sage Hen.
"You can't do that!" gasped Blake.
"Yes, I can," replied Avon. "I admit I need a little advice from time to time, but I'm managing very well."
"But Liberator can't take off without Zen."
"I know. I've told the Director he can use the ship to solve his caging problems."
"What about me?" demanded Blake, incensed.
"That should be obvious to even your limited intelligence," cut in Orac. "You take over the Director's job."
"You will, won't you?" pleaded the Director. "I do so much want to retire." Blake considered things rapidly. His crew were obviously not going to return. His ship was inoperable. What else was there for him to do?
"All right," he consented graciously. "I'll do it."
And there they are to this day.
And if you are wondering why the truth has not emerged before - well, you know how actors hate working with animals. They all flatly refused to take part in any retelling of the true story.