Once upon a time . . . .
What came first
the chicken
or the egg?

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Blood on the Feathers

History
"An Archeological Exercise" Where the Chook gets its Brains

In 1970 when a bankrupt California zoo auctioned off an orangutan for $10,000, a lady hippo for $3,000, a Bactrian camel for $26,700 and a chook for $1.50, the true value of the chook was exposed for the world to see.
Has it always been that way?

In The Beginning . . . .
The Dinosaur Paradox
Pharaoh's Chook
God And Chooks
Pitcairn's Warning
Blood on the Feathers
Cheap Bread Stuffing
The Immortal Chook
The Tasmanian Blunder
Political Aspirations
Gumbaro - The AIDS Of Chookdom
A Chook-Free World
In The Beginning . . . .
Great difficulties for evolutionary theory involve the origin of the Chook. According to some evolutionists, chooks used to be dinosaurs, which used to be slugs, which used to be single celled slimeballs in the primordial soup. The single celled slimies put themselves together from protein and stuff and popped in an odd DNA code which just happened to be floating about in the scum on top. This protein sort of coagulated from amino acids and things that formed from dust that came from the stars. That is so logical, you may well ask, where's the problem?

The problem is that the dust cannot be produced without the stars and the stars cannot form except from the dust, just as the protein cannot exist without the nucleic acid and the DNA cannot exist without the protein. So also a chook comes from an egg and eggs come from chooks. And what got wiped out by the comet or meteor that did away with the dinosaurs, tyranosaurus cock or the chook itself? If the wipeout really happened what is it that still goes off at 3.30 am each morning? And why are the slugs still here? But all this probably accounts for the scrambled state of chook brains. They don't know either.

The Dinosaur Paradox
As we learnt above, dinosaurs evolved into chooks. This showed an incredible amount of scientific intelligence on the part of the dinosaurs. Consider that dinosaurs were cold-blooded, chooks are warm; dinos didn't incubate their eggs, but chooks have to or the eggs die; dinos had all weather protection in their scales, chooks have feathers, that deteriorate quickly and have to be replaced annually; dinos had good strong solid bones, chooks' bones are hollow; dinos did not need air-cooled engines, chooks do; dinosaurs had three chambered hearts, chooks have four. To make these changes required amazing intelligence which must have exhausted them - considering they ended up as such moronic dills as chooks.

Pharaoh's Chook
Neophron Percnopterus was this chook's title. It sounds a bit like a dinosaur in a wetsuit and may reflect it's historical origin as well as its geographical origin so close to the Nile river. As chooks go this was either one of the more repulsive in appearance or his heiroglyphical biographer just couldn't draw for nuts. It was white, except for its black wings and yellow hooked beak. It stood about 65 cm high, with a bare wrinkled face, and large eyes. It ate the vilest garbage that even the vultures would disdain. A truly foul scavenger.

God And Chooks
In the Old Testament, the Hebrew Scriptures, there is absolutely no mention of chooks. This should tell us something. Why does God not mention chooks in his first 4000 years of man's history? Perhaps man was more intelligent then and had nothing whatsoever to do with them. The Jewish Mishnah (Bava Kamma 7:7) actually contains a prohibition against the keeping of domestic foul by the Jews, because of the probability of their causing ceremonial defilement.

However, by the time of the writing of the Greek Scriptures, the New Testament, man had degenerated to the state of foul contamination. Even Jesus mentions chooks in passing. It is very interesting to note that the most well known reference to them is when Peter is told that he will have denied Christ 3 times before a cock crows twice. (Mark 14:72) This enables us to pinpoint the exact time of Peter's denial to 3.30 am Friday, Nisan 14 in the year 33 AD. It also shows us just how long we have had to suffer 3.30 am alarm cocks and probably accounts for the increasing of violence in the frustrated world of today.

Pitcairn's Warning to us all
The sad situation on Pitcairn Island today is testament to what can happen if we don't control the chook population and restrict their access to essential utilities. Over there the chooks have gone feral. Some of the islanders have had to resort to shooting them as a precaution against their marauding of the banana and pawpaw plantations. And they are evolving. The Pitcairn chooks have been seen winging it from plantation to plantation. Their flight is still somewhat clumsy, but in a few generations they will probably be making the overseas voyage to colonise the rest of the world. We should evacuate the island and nuke it while we still can.

The Immortal Chook
This is a true horror story from early this century.

In 1912 Alexis Carrel placed a piece of live tissue from the heart of a chook in a special solution. Thirty-four years later it was still alive, healthy and young. The tissue showed no signs of degenerating. It is generally accepted that in principle all, or almost all, types of normal cells could live indefinitely if cultivated in the proper medium. Chooks are potentially immortal. The tissue finally had to be killed because the experiment had fulfilled its usefulness.

The usefulness is in the being forewarned of the even greater horror story if chooks should discover for themselves their potential immortality and hook themselves up to this special nutritive solution.

The Tasmanian Blunder
When Europeans settled the island of Tasmania to the South of Australia, they brought with them the animals that they had been accustomed to formerly. This proved to be party time for the native thylacine, or Tasmanian tiger, a tawny, doglike marsupial with stripes across its back and rump. This lean, shy carnivore quickly developed a taste for the paltry and the sheep. Consequently, the new settlers put a bounty on its head and by 1936, it was extinct. Now the island is overrun by sheep and chooks. Is this what they really wanted?

Cheap Bread Stuffing
Back in 1982 when the Ukraine was still part of the Soviet Union and prices were controlled by the state, farmers found that it was cheaper to feed their chooks on bread than on stock feed. Consequently they were producing prestuffed chooks for the market. Big brother soon found out about it though and ordered a crack down with severe prison terms for offenders. They put a purchase limit of 2 kgs of bread per head on each individual. The chooks were forced to pay the higher price for stock feed or be sent to Siberia.

Political Aspirations
In 1983, in Britainís national election, a total of 78 different parties some of them just one-person strong, contested, reported the Daily News of New York. Among the Ďalso ransí were such groups as Freddyís Alternative Medicine Party, the Belgrano Blood and Hunger Party, the Fancy Dress Party, the Traditional English Food Party, the Assassinís Bullet Party, the Justice for Divorced Fathers Party and the Nobody Party. The Loony Society, the Loony Monster Party and the Loony Monster Green Chicken Alliance all ran their candidates, the report said. It is apparent that the chooks found their proper niche in British Politics with the loonies and the monsters. However it would be a misnomer to ever call chooks 'green'. A more efficient destroyer of natural habitats would be hard to find. A glance at any chookyard will verify this.

Gumbaro - The AIDS Of Chookdom
It appears that AIDS is not restricted to humans and certain types of monkeys. The Indian Express of Bombay, India, reported that a disease similar to AIDS has stricken the countryís paltry. According to the Express, the viral disease gumbaro, which results in an acquired immune deficiency syndrome, has assumed epidemic proportions in the country, affecting hundreds of thousands of chooks. More than 1.5 million egg-laying fouls have died. The report claimed that there is likely to be an acute shortage of eggs in India. Sincere congratulations must be extended to the Indian paltry industry for their eradication efforts.

A Chook-Free World
Japan appears to be on the right path to the creation of a chook-free world. The Asahi Shimbun newspaper reported that in recent years, at a junior high school in Hiroshima, 153 pupils were told to draw a picture of a chook. Over 12 percent came up with chooks with four legs. When the drawings were checked on nine points of chook design, only three children had drawn their chooks accurately. Is this a case of an enlightened society protecting their upcoming generation from foul contamination? Let's hope so.



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