Monday 28 May 2001

Hmmm oh where oh where to begin ... I guess, first off, I should apologise for the whole hiatus thing, even though I did warn you. I had the very best of intentions to update a few more times than I did (my single very brief entry on 21 May), but hey - I was busy! You know, being with my boy, getting engaged, hence shocking the socks off the parents and everyone else I know … all that kind of boring everyday trivial stuff …

So yeah - in case you missed it; Sam and I got engaged!!! (my goodness, three exclamation marks; what’s the world coming to?)

The last three weeks have certainly been eventful, and I'm still more than a tad punch drunk, kind of high on a mindblowing cocktail of emotion. I am tremendously happy, not just in a manic bouncing around way, but in a deep smiley kind of way too. We had such a good time together - we talked pretty much nonstop, from serious adult stuff to complete nonsense, behaved incredibly childishly, staying up all night giggling and having pillow fights, watched umpteen videos, played Scrabble (no that’s not a euphemism; yes I won) ... Basically just revelling in being together, I guess.

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I still can't quite believe I'm engaged, though. I mean, for fucks sake, its such a grown up thing to do. It feels deeply weird but I really really like it. It feels … right. At an elemental level, if that makes sense. It simply IS.

The parents are seriously pleased, having got over their initial shock (read; near-coronaries, as they were totally unsuspecting, Sam and I being the original Dark Horses). They like Sam a lot, as do Henry and Charles (my big brothers), and got on well together, which is great. Not that it would have made any difference to how I felt about Sam, or our decision, if we’d been told never to darken doors again; it makes things easier and nicer all round, is all.

And oh, to love and be loved … aaaaarrrrgh mush alert! Run for the hills!!!

(I’m trying desperately hard to keep mush to a minimum, and not lapse into Mills & Boonisms, and I sincerely hope you appreciate the gesture … )

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I am incredibly excited about moving hemispheres to be with my honey (although I will admit to finding it a little scarey at the same time, but I think it would be a sign of major stupidity on my part if I didn’t feel that way, yes/no?). Hopefully the whole paperwork/packing up/moving process won't take too long and will be pretty straightforward, as the timeline is for me to get there ASAFP (as soon as fucking possible). The plan then is to spend the first six months generally settling in, planning ze whole weddingk thing and completing my Masters thesis, so I will have plenty to keep me busy.

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Right now though …. messy sobfest time. My Sam flew out on the nasty big aeroplane yesterday afternoon, leaving me behind … A very difficult day, even knowing we are together, committed and all, and will be together permanently very soon ... Even knowing all that didn’t stop it from being horribly upsetting. I did not hold back, I have to tell you. I did the whole messy howling sobbing mascara-running thing, even though historically, I’m not real big on crying, it’s not something I do a lot of, like. Saying goodbye (or rather, "see ya later") was just too distressing and sad and heart-wrenching, and no way could I be brave about it, no matter how forcefully I lectured myself. (Trying not to cry was made much more difficult by the fact that Sam cried too; although, I hasten to add, very manly tears with zero mascara involvement.)

And then it was home to an empty house; and an empty bed; and thusly an empty tissue box … Ick.

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