Saturday 02 June 2001

It is a known fact amongst my nearest and dearest that I am totally incapable of watching scarey movies (horror, thrillers, gorefests, whatever). I don't enjoy them is the thing. I have a theory that most people enjoy scarey movies because they know they're not real; it's okay to be scared under those "controlled" circumstances, have that groovy adrenalish-rush thing, and basically be entertained.

Not me though. Uh-uh. It's not that I have a problem separating reality from fiction (sometimes I wish I did, the world would make a lot more sense). I know the movies are not real, I know it's just a man in a rubber suit or really good make-up, but ... rational thought does not enter into the equation. I simply can't cope. I avoid going to see them at all costs, and if pushed, I spend the entire time squirming and hiding my eyes and wishing I was somewhere else ...

This means I am the only person in the entire world who has seen completely and utterly nil of the following; The Exorcist, the various Nightmares on Elm Street, the Screams, the I Know What You Dids,  The Blair Witch Project (but only because it was so overly hyped. Honest) ... the list goes on.

I walked out of Cape Fear a third the way through. That's how wimpy I am. (It was the legal secretary getting her face chewed off that broke me ... so I busted out of the cinema and boyfriend, and saw Danny, Champion of the World instead.)

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Sam is a major movie buff. He has an enormous DVD collection, full of really great movies, but half of said collection is lost to me because it's frightening. He has developed a desensitisation programme for me ... but so far this has failed with a resounding flooomphh.

He rented Alien. A movie I have commenced watching about 10 times, but have never seen it right through (though I know Jones the cat survives, which is the main thing). Look, I adore Aliens (so, the presence of Michael Biehn has something to do with that, what ya gonna do about it, huh?) and Sigourney Weaver is absolutely brilliant but ... not Alien. Please.

I pride myself that this time I actually got two thirds the way through (with Sam telling me over and over "honey, it's just a man in a rubber suit, honest - honey? honey? breathe, woman, breathe!!!") before it all got too much and I begged him to turn it off and make the bad things go away ...

Sheesh I'm soooooo pathetic. No one is as pathetic as me.

Mind you, the next movie we tried was Event Horizon, which I liked! Go figure ... 

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So last night I tucked myself up on my sofa, rolled up like a psychedelic caterpillar in my duvet and watched ... 

. . .

          . . . The Dark Crystal.

Jim Henson is about my range, I think.

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