Friday 03 May 2002

Oh my oh my. I wish I'd had a camcorder, to record and share with you the funniest sight ever.

Back when we adopted our wee Jessie, we bought (along with a collar, ID tube, cat bed, litter tray etc etc etc) a pretty red H-harness so we could take her for walks - or she could take us - outside. She is an Inside Cat, but I figured it would still be nice for her to occasionally have a prowl outside, take in some good smells, you know. I'd started "training her" ie getting her used the feel of the harness late last year, but for one reason or another (namely; somebody's mother did an impromptu, unwanted and un-asked-for clean-up of our house while we were away one time, and we were unable to find the harness again until just recently. For some reason and by what filing category I know not what, it was stuffed in the drawer of the phone table we don't use) we hadn't actually taken the poor kitty out on it. Until today.

I wanted to let her get used to the harness again before taking her outside for The First Time (well, she's been outside before but only in either her carry-cage or a very tight embrace). She purred like mad as I was putting it on, because she's an attention-whore, then she rolled about happily patting at it. After approximately five seconds she had forgotten all about it (because she has attention deficit disorder as well) and was jumping on some plastic bags or pouncing on Froggie or something, red leash flapping behind.

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So we went Out. Her first reaction was to flatten herself to the ground, looking much like a fur rug with beady eyes darting here and there the only sign that there was indeed life there. I didn't want to push her around so just let her relax a little, and talked and stroked her so she felt a little more comfortable. Then she extended a paw, drew back, tried again ... soon she began skulking, just a few steps at a time, belly flat to the ground (imagine the Mission Impossible theme playing here) before freezing and darting suspicious glances here and there. Soon enough though she was sniffing the air, the concrete paving, various plants (well, okay, weeds then) so I thought it would be okay to try to get her to walk or run about a little.

Well. When I ran a few steps, calling her, she would trot along for a few steps then suddenly just sit down. And because I was still trotting, she'd spin around on her backside and be dragged along, for all the world like a kitchen squeegee mop. I had to stop for laughing; just the look on her face, of disgust, embarrassment and that superiorer-than-thou look that cats get.

She'd then roll over and ask for a belly-rub and a cuddle, as if that was her plan for stopping all along, then off we'd go again. Same thing would happen; a couple of steps, happily enough, then she' sit down, be spun around on her ass (tail tucked tightly between her legs) and dragged along .. I was in fits by this time, and everyone knows how cats hate to be laughed at, so imagine the filthy looks I was getting from my otherwise very cute pretty kitty.

After a bit I just had to stop, my ribs were all hurty from trying not to laugh (and Sam wasn't helping; he was watching our "progress" through the patio doors and almost crying with laughter) so I picked the poor wee feline up and sat on the retaining wall at the back of the yard and had a good long cuddle. She was all purry and snuggly, and the second I set her down ... well I may be used to thoroughbred horses, and strong-minded border collies, but neither of those is a match for a tuxedo kitten who wants to Get Inside, Right NOW.

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Since then we've had regular "walks", out back and front (her first walk out on the front lawn she was hassled by a passing dachshund. Her response? A look as if to say "what the fuck sort of animal do you think you are?" followed by a swift swat across the poor creature's face.  Yay, Jessie, that's my girl. Anyway she's getting used to the harness, really hardly notices it, and is getting much more adventurous about trotting around the yard, playing with bugs and smelling interesting Smells. Certainly we haven't had a repeat of the Jessie-as-Dishmop Incident ... too bad, I was thinking I might have discovered an alternative for cleaning the kitchen floor ...

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