Sunday 26 May 2002

I'm sitting at my laptop listening to uproarious laughter, swearing and abuse, and sounds of gunfire and squelching and alien screams from downstairs. Yes, it's one of Sam's gaming days, and there's about ten guys in my house playing Quake III/Counterstrike/Alien vs Predator II/Renegade, along with approximately 150,000 kms of computer cabling writhing all over the floor, a Tesco truckload of snack food and pizza boxes, and yea verily, indeed an excess of testosterone.

It's doubtful I will see my husband at all today, except for fleeting visits when I go downstairs for meals and he comes upstairs to the bathroom. Basically I'm in isolation for the whole day as there simply isn't any space or need for me down there, and I do find it a trifle scary and intimidating.

Why on earth do I put up with this, every month? Other "gaming widows" - wives and girlfriends of gamers - have asked me this question countless times, saying they wouldn't allow it in a million years, and even the boys themselves have asked "why?". Because Sam has fun, that's all.

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So what do I get out of it? Well ... I get major quality time lazing around, reading or sleeping in without feeling guilty I should be doing something else. I get the occasional giggle out of hearing a horrified shriek from a large man being terrified by an Alien ("fuck's sake! he's eating me! aaarrrrrgh!"). I do miss Sam dreadfully and sometimes I feel a wave of resentment, because we get relatively little "just us" time as it is, we value our weekends together and I miss out on an entire day of his company, and I don't much like being isolated (I can't even go into town and window-shop as (a) Sunday trading is limited and (b) the bus service doesn't run anyway), and they are just so goddamn loud, and the stench of pizza and testosterone gets overpowering, and Jess is totally freaked, and ... Ah well.

I'm soothing myself by thoughts of my pizza, which I shall make later on ... Gluten free pizza base (not homemade, tsk tsk I know, but I have tried and failed and tried and failed, and Tesco is so much easier) spread with homemade pizza sauce - tomato concentrate, fresh basil and garlic crushed together, pepper and salt, a little red wine, simmered together until all gluggy - with handfuls of grated cheddar all over, then the toppings - sliced mushroom, red pepper, pineapple, pepperoni - with more cheese, mozzarella this time, on top. Some finely chopped fresh parsley and basil sprinkled over, a little ground pepper, then into the oven for twenty five minutes and mmm mmmmm wow.

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I'm having fun catching up on Buffy - Season Four DVDs which I've had for oh, a whole week now and have only watched the first eight episodes so I have a few more discs to get through. I'm really enjoying S4 this time around, especially in light of what happened to the characters and their overall development in S5 and S6 (part two of the finale this Thursday! - ooooh Dark Willow oh my). Take Something blue - where Willow's magic goes awry (hints of the power being too great; also of her using magic as the easy way out) and Bike and Spuffy - I mean, Spike and Buffy - get together, even if in a totally bizarre alternative-reality kind of way. Very cute. And why is it that in this Season, as I remember it, Buffy's hair is always curly and wavy in the eps that are "funny" or "silly"? I do not like the Buffy with curly hair, Bleaughhh.

I am really enjoying the commentaries - finally listened to Joss Whedon's commentary of Hush (had to watch the ep the whole way through first of course) - very interesting insights and a few fun in-jokes. Love the bit where Joss kinda comments on the discrepancy between SMG and her stunt double "oops look there, Buffy's  strapped on her fighting boobs". Hee.

I followed a link on the web to a transcript of Joss' commentary on Restless, and I will watch that episode in order because it is crucial as an ending point, but couldn't resist reading the transcript - very surprising to see how much of it was purely literal, what was symbolic, what had meaning for the following season/s, what Joss already knew/had planned for S5 and so on. Cool stuff.

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And now, a quick recap of the last few days  because I haven't updated in oh my ten days? tsk tsk, but hey. Thursday night was bad news - I woke up screaming in pain, and in spite of taking six codeine and three valium - yes I know, not a good practice but it was either that or go to hospital and I've already made myself pretty clear on that, besides it wasn't all at once, but over a few hours - it took a long time for things to settle back down Poor Sam. He stayed home on Friday to nurse me a little (aww, that is so nice) and take me to the doctor in the afternoon. I picked up prescriptions for more painkillers, something to help me sleep - finally, I've been begging the doc. for something for months as my sleeping patterns are pretty much non-existent - and penicillin for tonsillitis. Yes, I've got it. Bleaugh. Anyway I slept a lot on Friday and yesterday (Saturday), emerging only to make our first order at Tesco online (a very successful venture, I'm pleased as it will take a lot of the time and energy-related hassle out of my week) and made an enormous beef and red wine casserole

Last night I had a delicious long hot bath with yummy Molton Brown stuff, candles lit in the bathroom (so much nicer than harsh electric light, when relaxing) and Bach Cello Concertos on the stereo ... now if that's not the OED definition of bliss I'd like to know what it. And on top of all that, Sam gave me a lovely gentle neck-and-back massage with body shop nut butter mmmm. How spoiled am I?  I'm still feeling pretty sore and the usual run-over-by-a-roadtrain feeling, but a lot better all the same.

And thanks to my little red pills I've had a few nights of exceptionally good sleep which makes an incredible difference ... thank heavens, I was starting to feel more than a little unravelled at the ends there, after about six weeks of averaging three hours a night.

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Also it is two years today that Sam and I first met. We met for real first, you see, while I was on holiday here, and then, and well you know, and ... Hey I promise I'll tell the whole story one of these days.

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