Wednesday 08 January 2003

Reasons, Reasons

(Ref. to last entry .... lead in)

As for why I finally cracked – oh it was everything piled up, the visa shit, the health shit, being lonely and isolated, beginning to learn what Belfast was really like (ie so fucking screwed up and horrible and sick, particularly socio-culturally speaking, only a large nuclear bomb can fix it) and what with all those piles upon piles of steaming shit … I resisted as long as I could because I felt like such a loser, giving in, because I had SO wanted to live in another country and work and do the “new start” thing but in the end I couldn’t avoid any longer the fact that the only person suffering from my stubbornness was me, and I wanted to stop and get out of that situation before I started taking it out on my gorgeous husband. Oh sure he’s had me crying and howling and snotting all over him several times, but we’re still incredibly happy and blissed out and fabulous together and I sure didn’t want to screw THAT up.  As you can imagine, there was a fair bit of navel-gazing (“hmmm I still have good abs but I really need a new belly-ring”) which was altogether painful but a good thing In The End.  ARGH, it’s bloody awful being a grown up, sometimes!