Wednesday 05 February 2003

And My Third Album Will Be Entitled "Morphine Sucks"

Healthwise things are very crappy right now – I finally got my pain levels down enough to come off the morphine (I'd been on it for several weeks now, including over Christmas) and was quite well for about a week, then a couple of weeks ago things went pear shaped again. We had a very scary night – for both of us – when the pain was unbearable and I was swigging down the liquid morphine I have for such eventualities but it wasn’t working ... altogether ick.  So then it was back on to daily doses of morphine again.  Blah. 

Adding insult to injury I had my period in there as well, which lasted about eight days and was heavy and horrible and I was vile-tempered – imagine what I’d be like if I WASN’T on the Pill!  And thank heavens I only have one every four months. 

Now one of the gross side effects of morphine (apart from insomnia, depression, loss of appetite and general zombie-dom) is that my skin gets unbearably itchy – kinda like that feeling when you’re peeling after a bad sunburn and just HAVE to itch and rub the flakes of skin off even though you know you shouldn’t.  Anyway, I managed not to scratch during the day, but couldn’t stop myself while asleep so I had welts and cuts all over my arms, back, shoulders, legs ... you name it.

The worst one was on my left upper arm, where I scratched and scratched til it looked like a third degree burn – an area about 3 inches long and an inch and a half wide, bright red and oozing lymph until it finally developed a thick crusty scab (hm, maybe I should have warned you not to read this over lunch!).  That finally fell off but the area is still bright pink and new skin is taking a while to grow back. Mmmm, yummy.  Now I’ve got some nice dermatological cream which seems to take away most of the itchies, phew.  Weird reaction though – guess all the nerve endings are buzzing away going “the fuck?” or something.

I hate having to take such strong painkillers - not because of any personal anti-any-medication policy but because they do numb my brain and ability to function (not that I'd be functioning too well under those levels of pain anyway, it's more that I just cannot think straight or get everyday tasks done), plus all the side effects, and then maybe 80% of the time they don't work well enough to warrant the downsides.  If I took the shit and it worked, and I was pain free and wheeeeee-ing, then I could deal with the downsides.  As it is ... it's seriously vile stuff and why anyone would willingly, voluntarily take the stuff to get some kind of high is beyond my comprehension.  Then again, recreational drug use (and I am NOT talking moderate alcohol consumption or pot, here*) is beyond my comprehension full stop.

*Actually pot would probably be much more beneficial to me than all the other "controlled substances" I get to consume, but hey it happens to be illegal.  Funny old world, innit?