Wednesday 31 December 2003

NYE

And so, here at the end of another year.  I can't say its been the best year ever - beset as it has been by relocation between hemispheres, tearing up of roots, health still on the downturn, financial and employment worries, a fair amount of stress and angst and unhappiness.  Then again, it sure aint the worst year (that honour belongs to 2000).

There were a lot of good things.  Moving back to Western Australia, despite all the baggage (emotional and literal) has been great; its so good to be near family and friends again, to have a better health system and my own personal healthcare support team around me again, to hold some hope of, if not actually improving enormously, of making some gains and being able to do more, function better, have a better quality of life.  I have a new nephew, my parents' first grandchild.  I'm making slow progress - but progress it is - toward accepting and coping better, mentally, with the concept of having a chronic disabling illness, instead of bubbling with anger and frustration.  And Tuxedo and I are together, and incredibly happy, and feeling able to weather the current stresses and anxieties; together we can beat anything.

So yeah, glad we've got through this year.  2004 can only get better, right?  At least (not as far as I can forsee) we won't have any hassles with immigration departments, no visas to jump through hoops for, no more global shipping ... Only good things, please miscellaneous pagan gods; we deserve some breaks here.

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Lots of people I know and read make New Year's Resolutions; I have a policy of No Fucking New Year's Resolutions.  Years and years of making resolutions and failing miserably (either because they were impossible dreams, or would take years and years, or because I had no willpower) led to this decision.  I did make one Resolution a couple of years back; to use less toilet paper (per wipe, not per "movement"), in the interests of the environment and not clogging up the loo.  I made a raging success at this, and continue being successful to this day.  Yes, its a very practical sort of Resolution, not up there with world peace and ending corruption in local government, but hey I made it, succeeded in my goal, and have thus personally caused less trees to be killed, and haven't had cause to use a plunger or bare hands once.  Yay me.

This year, and largely because of the success of that achievable goal, I decided to make a couple of New Year's Resolutions.  Three, in fact:-

1.  Lose weight; I've got a bit podgy in the last few months - I can't zip up my summer dresses the lat two inches and I don't like it, I don't like having a pot belly - no I am not going on any diet, no way, and I hereby swear that this will not become a weight-loss journal, but I will increase my cardio-vascular fitness and tone up;

2.  Cut down my alcohol intake.  Its true I have been drinking more than I should - certainly more than two standard drinks a day - and I do tend to reach for a drink when I'm feeling angsty and stressy, which is BAD BAD BAD, so, cut down on booze, maybe cut it out altogether;

3.  Endeavour to feel less of a fuck up; I am going to use every bit of self-control and determination I have to deal with these feelings and bury them deep deep deep.

Let's see how I do.  The first two are practical, should be relatively easy ... especially in relation to the third.  Wellll, I'll check in at this time, twelve months time.

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We're off down south - to Margaret River/Augusta/Yallingup, the area with the best beaches and wineries and forests in the world - for a few days, with Fifi and Magnum, Magnum's sister who is over from the UK, and a longtime friend of Magnum's.  We've got a little chalet/house dealie for three nights, on a working farm with lots of bush and trees - Fifi did all the research and booking, and it sounds promising.   Plans are so far pretty loose; but winery and boutique brewery visits, swimming and playing about at the beach, and general relaxation are high on the list.  We might take in a bush-hike, maybe a trail-ride (horsies!).  I'm in charge of cooking - whee! no, really, I enjoy cooking for crowds, and it'll mostly be BBQs and salads anyway - and we've been burning and making mix CDs over the last few days, for the drive down (approx. four hours) and general background summer holiday music.

I cannot wait.  I need a holiday away so badly; I'm hoping it will put a stop to this depression and non-stop oozing tears which I'm finding very irritating and wish I could just stop, already.  Maybe getting away from the Parental Unit Melodramatic Society for even just a few days will help ... I hope so because I'm finding all this emotional stress and overflow very hard to cope with.  At this rate, I'll be asking Zeus for a prescription for my favoured SSRI next time I see him; I've been off them over two years and really don't want to go back on them, but if I need to ...

Amazingly it will be the very first time Tuxedo and I have been properly "away" together - I'm not counting city hotels here.  We both really need a break, some time away, a bit of drinking and socialising and lots of laughs and forgetting cares for a while.  Should be a fun time.  And what better way to spend NYE*.  Wheeee!   

It will actually be our first NYE out, too; every NYE since we've been together we've either been geographically separated or Tuxedo has been on call at work so no going out, and very little chance of a smooch at midnight.  The times they are a-changin' ... Again with the wheeee!

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