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1.
WHEN the nights are cold and frosty
And wintertime has come
We think of fires and cold, crisp nights,
and words that rhyme, like bum.
2.
THE icy days get shorter,
But we must not let them pass
Without the tingling Christmas thrill
Of a snowball up the arse.
3.
WHEN the sky is crisp and rosy
In the sunset's warming glow
We talk in quiet whispers
And piss into the snow.
4.
THE village clamour fades away
The chalet's light is dimmed
And through the hush we hear the gush
Of the parson breaking wind.
5.
THE chill breeze moans and whimpers
Round the ice-encrusted bricks
As we trudge home through the snowdrifts
With tinsel round our pricks.
6.
THE night sky slowly lightens
The dawn is coming soon
So we turn our faces earthwards
And fart towards the moon.
7.
THE children sip their cocoa
And sing, without a care
Except for Bob, whose mouth is full
Of Jenny's pubic hair.
8.
AT last! It's time for food and feast
Full larders, every cranny
That's not enough for Farmer Giles
So he fills his sister's fanny.
9.
IN festive clothes the crowd cavorts
Bright faces, curly locks
For Christmas, Sue gives Christopher
A raging dose of pox.
10.
AT Christmas, young boys love to play
They love to sing and dance,
Help Mummy in the laundry
And sniff their sister's pants.
11.
THE festival is under way
Good ladies, burly he-men
And underneath the double bed
A great big gob of semen.
12.
WE talked of stars and horoscopes
I'm Leo, Gordon's Taurus
And outside, huddled in the snow
He played with her clitoris.
13.
THEY tiptoed past the bedroom door
Lest the little ones be woken,
The only sound that Christmas night
Was hymens being broken.
14.
THE carollers walked slowly by
He tossed them several coins
And gently hummed a Christmas hymn
As he plunged into her loins.
15.
THE snowflakes drifted gently down
The trees were silver-tipped
The altar boys amused themselves
By wanking in the crypt
16.
THE deacon chanted soft and low
"Ecce non sum dignus"
As the choirmaster flicked her tongue
Around his throbbing bigness.
17.
THE choir from the little school
Was singing hymns by Handel
The abbess moaned in unison
As she writhed upon her candle.
18.
THEY parked beside the frozen lake
He caressed her circumspectly
And as he kissed her on the cheek
Her vulva glistened wetly.
19.
WE drove for miles through the frozen land
In my father's Mini-Minior
I found it very hard to steer
With my tongue in her vagina.
20.
THE office party was great fun
A merry Christmas romp
The manager surveyed the scene
From his typiste's cobwebbed swamp.
21.
THE champagne corks were popping
The drinks were running hot
He drank his riesling through a straw
Placed in her drooling slot.
22.
THE oyster soup was excellent
The dhufish was divine
But the tastiest dish of all, we thought,
Was the tampons dipped in wine.
23.
THE convent fare was grand that night
Roast duck and five stewed rabbits
The priests and nuns sat down to dine
With snails' trails on their habits.
24.
CECIL giggled happily
As he unwrapped hi parcel
"Oh, lucky me . . . you shouldn't have . . .
A blow-up plastic arsehole!"
25.
THE pinetrees stood up proud and tall
The snow came down to coat 'em
She brushed the snowflakes from his hair
And gently squeezed his scrotum.
26.
JENNY and I used to kiss by the pond
We cared not who had seen us
But all the skaters stopped and stared
When I choked her with my penis.
27.
THE morn is soft and white now
With every flake that falls
As I look out my window
And my doggie licks its balls
28.
THE children's laughter echoes
Round the snowfield, dimly lit
The parson trips and falls upon
A lump of frozen shit.
29.
THAT was the year we bought car
A big, white, off-road snow job
And curled up snuggly in the back
Marie gave me a blowjob.
30.
AT last the children were asleep
And they were left alone
He whispered "Merry Christmas, love"
And thrust his ramrod home.
31.
"YOU used to love my once," he said
"But like all girls, you're fickle."
Then he gasped, as pliers grasped
And crushed his one testicle.
32.
SHE wanted to go to college
But that was not her fate
She found before the term began
That she was six weeks late.
33.
WE sought her body in the snow
And as our hands got bluer
We scrabbled deeper, frantically
To find her, and to screw her.
34.
THE children went upstairs to bed
And she retired later
To try their Christmas gift to her
A giant new vibrator.
35.
WE feast on fowl and roasted meats
Make sure that we're well fed
And for dessert. we try a scoop
Of toejam on our bread.
36.
AND when the meal was finished
The butlers brought the wine
But the guests were underneath the stairs
Trying vintage'69.
37.
THE party now has finished
Gwen's sleeping like a log
While her husband's in the kennel
Gobbling off the dog.
38.
I WATCHED the nuns at vespers
In the chapel on the hill
And left my frozen sperm upon
The icy window sill.
39.
WE staggered through the blinding snow
We found ourway by torch
I stumbled on an old, dark house
And raped her on the porch.
40.
HE came to tea that Yuletide night
They dined on hot roast ham
And for dessert he ate stewed plums
Out of her bearded clam.
41.
THEY stopped for a martini
And then relaxed a bit
He gently placed his olive
Inside her pulsing slit.
42.
I"M not the sort of man who crawls
I'm not the sort who begs
But this New Year, oh what I'd give
For the warmth between your legs.
43.
NOR would I be a whinger
And never would I gripe
But the nicest place to be right now
Is eight inches up your pipe.
44.
THE New Year's only seconds off
The revellers' noise abates
And when at last the bells ring out
Young Mark ejaculates.
45.
WE stood up for the anthem
The colonel with nary a stoop
And then with a frown, he finds, looking down
That the butler has come in his soup.
46.
WE know nothing about the circus, we said
But the squire said he would train us
So when he put on his clown's jolly clothes
Bob kicked him in the anus.
47.
HER hair was finest golden
The prettiest girl ever born
And when she tiptoes on the path
She gave me a giant horn.
48.
I TOOK her gently by the hand
Walked withher on the grass
Through the dawn so peaceful
With my finger up her arse.
49.
WE stopped by the little river
And I took off my coat
I laid it down beneath her
And then I cut her throat.
50.
I SAT there silent for a while
Torn by a peaceful wish
Then I gently lifted her
And fed her to the fish.
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